This new year

I wish I had a new project to share with you in this new year. I don't. In addition to motherhood, wifehood, and being a nanny I've been busy working on a commission work I hope to share soon.

I am scaling back this year. I do not think I will do any craft shows. I have many gifts and personal projects I want to work on. If there is any time left I want to build up inventory, possibly all of next year as well. Then, maybe I will be able to get into the craft/art world with a little more gusto.

I also will post less on this blog and tell more stories on facebook. It is simply a way to actually be read by maybe more than just a few. This blog may be where more details and private thoughts can be found.

Last year I started out thinking I wanted to be something that really wasn't who I am. This year I want to be more gentle with myself. I have more peace about who God has made me to be and what He wants of me. I will continue the next step of being me and see where it takes me this year.

For now, it is cake month at our house as we soon celebrate the three kids' birthdays and love is almost in the air.

Valentines

A not quite to scale graph type sketch of the truth, a poem, and more.

Today I finished reading the New Testament. This is a task that proves in and of itself the power of the Holy Spirit. I am a working Mama who is cranky in the morning. It has to be due to supernatural strength and not my own that I have been able to get up at 5am to have time to read day after day. Tomorrow I will get my cranky butt out of bed again and somehow as I read and pray I will come closer to being the woman I am designed to be. 

Anyway, I finished it today and happened to reach the end of a journal at the same time. So what was the overall message I received on the end of this journey? 

This...

I have the courage to write these words. The courage to share my terrible handwriting with you. The courage to face whatever God sends my way. The courage to share His truth. The courage to share this sketch with you.

I made this a year or so ago and have been wanting to share it but did not know how nor did I have the courage to for some reason. It is not to scale and could be prettier. (Maybe I'll work on that.) The point is, it needs to be shared because it shows what is more important than anything. It shows that your life, right now, being kind of hungry or slightly too hot; worried about money or a relationship; battling sickness or missing someone you will never see again; whatever your hardship no matter how hard it is, it is fleeting. On the same not no matter how good life is, it too is fleeting. How you spend this fleeting life matters. Jesus is the only one who can save you. He already did. He is the only one who can restore you and give you an eternity of real life the way it is meant to be lived. Loving Jesus and courageously showing others His love is all that matters. 

This is obviously only part of the conversation. If you have questions, great! Ask away because I have questions too and maybe we can find answers together. 

I'll get off my soap box now and leave you with a poem by Nelle D. Bradley. It says how I want to live my life. I hope you join me.

Hold high the torch of beauty, truth, and love!

You did not light its glow-

'Twas given you by other hands, you know.

'Tis yours to keep it burning bright,

Yours to pass on when you no more need light;

For there are other feet that we must guide;

And other forms go marching by our side;

Their eyes are watching every tear and smile,

And efforts which we think are not worthwhile,

Are sometimes just the very helps they need,

Actions to which their souls would give most heed;

so that in turn they'll hold it high, and say, 

"I watched someone else carry it this way."

If brighter paths should beckon you to choose,

Would your small gain compare with all you'd lose?

Hold high the torch of beauty, truth, and love! 

You did not light its glow-

'Twas given you by other hands, you know.

I think it started down its pathway bright,

The day our Maker said: "Let there be light."

And He once said, who hung on Calvary's tree-

"Ye are the light of the world." Go! ... Shine for me.

Why I make pretty little hankies

I make pretty little hankies because we need them. 

A well-meaning woman once commented on this handkerchief I made, "It is a cute pattern but no one uses handkerchiefs anymore so you need to put it on something else." I didn't respond. I was hurt, thinking back on the many many hours I had just worked happily creating my art and her suggestion was to toss it and try again. After swallowing some pride, my thought was, "I use them."

Just so you know, I do know what Kleenex is. I'm not saying use my handkerchiefs for when you have the flu. That is kind of a bad and gross idea. What I am saying is when you are moved or saddened, using a handkerchief is a deeper comfort than a tissue for those few falling tears. It isn't just the softness or the eco-friendly advantage that appeals to me, although there is that too. It is the connection to beauty, to the past, the texture of the stitches, and partaking in the simple old tradition of carrying a handkerchief that adds to my comfort.

 Tears come. Sometimes when we are lucky enough they are tears of joy which is why making bridal handkerchiefs are fun. This one was bought by a man to give his bride on their wedding day. I felt very honored to be a tiny part of their special day. 

Sadly most tears are not for the happy times. A very sweet and thoughtful brother bought this handkerchief for his sister. Her daughter was fighting the last of her battle with leukemia. I have learned as an artist there is no greater feeling than when you know your work has reached the person made for. I had no idea when I made this who it was for but now I know it was for this grieving mother. My hope is it brought her comfort. 

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

I started carrying around a hankie in my purse regularly after my daughter passed away. The tears would come anytime anywhere and this was one of my only ways of coping for that time. It is a very simple and helpful tip I have passed on to other mamas of loss. My love for pretty little hankies started when they provided me the comfort I so needed. 

Jesus said, "...In this world you will have trouble but take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Caged bird handkerchief

Butterfly handkerchief

The tulips in the rain handkerchief is not currently on Etsy but still for sale. Contact me if you are interested. 

My daughter Jamie's story.

 The Girl in the Lane Shop 

Float

 I read Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life last spring. He explains the relationship of sin and the Christian better than I have ever read or heard. 

"This deliverance (from sin) is so real that John can boldly write: 'Whosoever is begotten of God doeth no sin ... he cannot sin' (1 John 3:9), which is, however, a statement that, wrongly understood, may easily mislead us. By it John is not telling us that sin is now no longer in our history and that we shall not commit sin. He is saying that to sin is not the nature of that which is born of God. The life of Christ has been planted in us by new birth and its nature is not to commit sin. But there is a great difference between the nature and the history of a thing, and there is a great difference between the nature of the life within us and our history. To illustrate this (though the illustration is an inadequate one) we might say that wood 'cannot' sink, for it is not its nature to do so; but of course in history it will do so if a hand hold it under water. The history is a fact, just as sins in our history are historic facts; but the nature is a fact also, and so is the new nature that we have received in Christ. What is 'in Christ' cannot sin; what is in Adam can sin and will do so whenever Satan is given a chance to exert his power."

This painting is what came to mind upon reading that passage. 

"Float"

I sewed cloth onto the watercolor painting and hand embroidered her hair.

The Girl in the Lane Shop

My Easter Post

    I had no idea what to write about for Easter. Here I am trying to be free and honest about my art, faith, and life and Easter totally stumped me. I haven't even been looking forward to Easter this year. No matter how much I tried, the plastic eggs and smiling bunnies were not the motivation I needed to fully celebrate the resurrection of my Savior. 

    I have been in a spiritual funk. It happens. The husband and I have been busy with boring grownup stuff which seems really important but actually isn't. I really want to do God's will with this and every situation. I have been trying to listen. It seemed like the more direction I wanted the more silence I felt. I wanted so badly to do God's will that I was starting to get scared about makingwrong decisions. I didn't even know what project to start next and was anxious about starting the wrong thing.

    With the help of Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life, the thought occurred to me that maybe there was something I was still holding on to and that is why I was hearing silence. Maybe there was still something I wasn't willing to let God handle so I wasn't getting the direction I was craving. This began my asking for more direction and the racking of my brain trying to figure out what the something was. I didn't know what to write on this blog so I was willing to never write on here again. Job, money, whatever, I was willing to hand it over to Him but the more I was willing to hand over the more I realized my motivation was out of fear of not doing His will instead of a desire to do His will. 

Fear is what I was holding on to. 

    God asks nothing of me. Jesus's death was enough to meet all requirements. All He wants is my willing heart. He knows I am going to mess up. He can handle it. Jesus didn't rise from the grave to give me a new life full of fear and burden. He gave me a life of freedom, hope, and love. If I bring Him my willing heart without worry, His will will be done. 

Spiritual funks happen. The important thing to remember is they bring growth. 

Happy Easter to all!

The Girl in the Lane shop

What inspires me may inspire you: color

Rainbow square hoop art

I recently read about the importance of choosing your brand's colors. I am going to just chose all of them. 

Rainbow swirl pillow

Hair pretties

Rainbow stego

When I was about eight I learned dogs can only see in black and white. My response was to bawl my eyes out. I was so sad dogs could not experience the world as I see it.  

Color is a wonderful gift from God. We don't really need it. Many cannot experience it. If you can, appreciate it.

Yes, I have a long relationship with color. It is starting to get serious.

Rainbow chunky scarf

Rainbow bow scarf

The Girl in the Lane Shop

What inspires me may inspire you: Father

By far the greatest inspiration for anything and everything I do is God. Because I believe he sent his son to save me I get to be his child. I get to call him Father.

The fact that I am a visual person is no surprise. I became a Christian as a younge girl. As far back as I can remember, one of the ways I hear the Holy Spirit is through images. I will have an image in my brain and I have to make it. It sits in my brain very clearly until I work with my hands to give the image life.

Name Above All Names

 I know it is God's direction not because I want it to be but more often because I don't want it to be. Not always but often the image that shows itself in my brain is not one I want to make. It is challenging in some way or another. I might think it is artistically beyond my skills, it isn't the medium I want to work with, or it just isn't what I want to make. I remember in high school I painted an image of Jesus's feet. Feet are kind of ugly. I didn't want to paint feet but I did because I choose to believe and trust. I chose to obey. When I obey, I grow. My skills improve or I find more confidence in the skills already there. Sometimes the art sells (the feet did by the way) and sometimes it doesn't because that wasn't his point in having me make it. I always learn some lesson.  

When an image shows up in my brain it is always very clear. Sometimes is grows but it is always very clear. Name Above All Names was always clear as it grew and as it grew, I did not want to make it. It is scary to be this honest. I don't want to be. It seemed too hard but mostly I knew the making of this would push me to be open about my faith in new ways. I knew I had to tell the story of how God put this picture in my brain because really he made it. I didn't. 

It is scary to be this honest because if you haven't experienced something similar, it sounds a bit crazy or at least foolish. I guess I am mostly in a place where I don't care if it does come across as crazy because I know it is true. I cannot prove anything. I can only tell my story. I am not in other artists' brains but I would imagine any creative person Christian or not has experienced a strong drive to make whatever it is they are thinking of. I have no doubt God works in every one of us. Whether we choose to recognize it as God is up to us. 

I also know there are things I come up with on my own just as any artist does. Often these ideas don't work out but that isn't really the difference because sometimes they do. It isn't that my ideas are bad. God has given me my own creativity and free will, gifts I am very grateful for. It isn't always a big bold statement piece that shows up in my brain from God either. Right as I type this I am eager for the time to start a very simple project he has given me. The ideas I come up with can fade, be forgotten, or just weren't that great to begin with but what comes from the Holy Spirit must be done. What comes from him stands out because he is trying to tell me something. 

I asked many of my friends, "What name do you do you say when you pray?" They wrote their answer on a little colored paper of their choice. Many needed to write down a few names.  I also added many of the names for God and Jesus found in the Bible along with the names for God and Jesus in other languages. I used the papers to make his face, well a face that can be easily recognize as Jesus. I have no idea what he looks like but someday I will.

It reflects how different we all are. We are all found in different ways and we all reach out in different ways but he loves all which makes us all one.

The black paint represents sin. It cannot reach him. Grace turns dark to light.

Thank you to all who helped me out. 

The Girl in the Lane Shop

Why it's fine to have PB & J for dinner tonight.

hand embroidered proverbs tea towel

I love this verse. Every mom needs to hear it every once in a while. 

It is a good reminder that food is just food and the conversation surrounding the dinner table is more important than what's on the it.  

I am not perfect and I need this reminder from time to time. 

So go ahead. If you need a break, take a break. Make PB & J for dinner or frozen pizza or Ramen or whatever. You get the idea.

The Girl in the Lane Shop

A few words to keep in mind this Valentine's Day.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Valentine’s Day. I love making silly cards for my husband and kids. I love all the cute decorations. I love love love that it involves chocolate. Valentine’s Day is a great day to do something fun for the people you love. I was going to share a cute last minute Valentine’s Day craft but I am pretty sure there are a billion and a half of those already on Pinterest. I decided to be a little more honest instead.

Heart dino foot.

For those of you who are single please see your current state as a great opportunity. I know it is hard to hear that from a married woman with kids but it’s true. My husband and children require my time and energy. There is nothing wrong with that. It is just where I am. When someone is single there are different opportunities available.

Pink and Green heart

You have opportunities to love. There are a lot of people who need love out there and I am not talking about dating sites full of people wanting romantic love. I mean a kid who needs a mentor, a coworker who needs a kind word, the homeless man who needs a new pair of socks.

You have opportunities to be loved. One of the most meaningful gifts I ever received on February 14th was one flower from a friend when I was single. Love from family and friends is much undervalued in our overly sexual culture. We, both single and taken, need to remember to think outside the romantic heart-shaped box when it comes to love. Love is bigger.

Loneliness is real and it hurts. I am sorry. When I am lonely, and yes married people even happily married people feel lonely from time to time, I talk to the one I know always loves me or I read his love letters. Maybe Valentine’s Day could be an opportunity for you to know God's love. His love is more than enough.

Alright if any of you not single types are still reading, you’re up. Valentine’s Day is many great things but Valentine’s Day is not the day to rush a relationship or pretend feelings that are not really there. It is not a day to judge where your whole relationship stands and it is not a day to decide what your commitment means. There are more divorces filed the week after Valentine’s Day than any other time of the year. This is a huge problem. There is obviously a great deal involved with this, more than just Valentine’s Day but there is a stupid amount of expectation tied into the day. I am pretty sure the pressure to be perfect at romance is most heavily felt by men but it is on both sides. More importantly when expectations are too high a couple as a whole can feel strain. I realize I am not in any sort of a position to give advice but I am going to anyway. Keep it fun and simple. Communicate what you actually want and expect from one another.

I write all of this because although I obviously like a cute craft with a heart involved, I like thriving marriages more. Here are two marriage helpers.

One Extraordinary Marriage Podcast

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Detail from my latest almost finished project. I cannot wait to share it.

I did not realize I have made so many hearts.

Happy Valentine's Day!

The Girl in the Lane Shop

What inspires me may inspire you: Jamie

Some of you know but some of you do not so here is my story, our story, her story.

In fall of 2010 I was five months pregnant with my second. My husband, Andrew and I went to the baby’s first ultrasound. This would have been where we found out if our baby was a boy or a girl but we had already decided early on to wait and keep this a mystery. We were told our baby had the fatal condition anencephaly. We later found out the cause was actually Amniotic Band Syndrome, a rare and random syndrome.  The head and face did not form properly and there was zero chance of the baby living outside the womb. Devastation does not even begin to describe.

We decided to continue the pregnancy. We decided but really there was no deciding about it. I could feel life moving inside me. I could not decide on what day that life would end. As parents we decided to give the baby time and a name. Jamie.

We carried. I say we because I could not have done it without Andrew, or Avia. She was almost five at the time. She brought me joy on the hard days. We hoped and we prayed because this is what parents do for their children. We cried too.

I was told with the diagnosis the baby would be stillborn anytime. The hospital bags were packed and we waited. Some days were long hours of feeling nothing and the many empty fears of not knowing. Never knowing. During these days I prayed harder, cried longer, and read my Bible more than any other time in my life.These days were cold and weary at the time but now looking back I see them as days of growth. As I mourned Jamie’s coming death I was becoming stronger. Some days were like any other day. Some days I laughed. Some days I didn’t. Some days, more and more days as they turned to weeks which turned to months, I got to know my child. I enjoyed just being with Jamie.

Jamie was born the day after her due date on January 22, 2011 at 6:30 in the morning. She lived 64 hours. She could hear, move, feel, make sweet little squeaky noises, and we believe smell, taste, and see as well. I was told she would not be able to do any of these things.

Many, more than I know, prayed for life for Jamie along with us. Thank you. We had hope. I do not regret any of this hope. It means we loved her and we did our jobs as parents in loving her. The job of parenting is different for every child. The job of parenting Jamie was to gently guide her from this world to the next. We were blessed Jamie lived to term, we were blessed she survived the labor, and we were blessed with every second of the 64 hours of life she had. Our prayers were answered. It was not the answer we were looking for and it was not the life we had in mind for our daughter but all life is a gift no matter how small.

This is not the end of the story. One year later on January 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm our son, Calvin was born on his big sister’s birthday. The story continues to grow. I do not claim to fully understand God’s answer. I probably never will in this lifetime and I am fine with that, but I trust in His answer more and more. More and more I see the good that He has done and continues to do because of Jamie.

Jamie inspires me in many ways. One way is in my art. White bears and snowflakes remind me of her. Rainbows become brighter after having weathered a storm. 

Mostly she ignites creativity in me because there is so much I do not know about her. I enjoy imagining what she would like, colors, creatures, flowers. I imagine what she is like in heaven, what she does, and mostly what she looks like. She had severe deformities so her face is very much a mystery. She appears now and again in many of the girls I draw. She is like my own little muse. Jamie is an important part of The Girl in the Lane because she is an important part of our family.

Andrew and I would like to invite you to join us for Jamie’s Random Act of Kindness Day. All you have to do is be nice to someone on January 22nd. We simply want people to celebrate her life and bring a little good to this world for her birthday. Please join us.

My Jamie inspires me. What inspires you?

The Girl in the Lane Shop